The Highly Sensitive Person
                   

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Back to Comfort ZoneMay 2012: Comfort Zone ONLINE
The Book for HS Parents Is Happening, So a Renewed Request for Help

Dear Highly Sensitive Parents (and grandparents and would-be parents),

Many people have asked me for a book about HSPs and parenting. In the last newsletter I said I was being nudged in the direction of writing one. I have now definitely decided to do so.

So I really need your help. I am so very appreciative of the terrific material I have already received--thank you, all. But I would like to have more. The book will need a foundation in scientific research and my observations, of course, but most important will be your stories and experiences. There are so many issues parents will want discussed. My own thoughts on the subject from having one child and knowing a few HS parents will hardly suffice. Even interviewing 30 to 40 people might not capture all of the crucial possible issues.

Therefore, please consider writing maybe 100-500 words about your experiences in one of the categories I have listed below, or just writing some notes that I can turn into prose. Of course you can share on more than one topic. Feel free to make it a story with some drama or to write dialogue, but it's not necessary.

Is there a deadline? I know how busy you are, so I fear giving one will mean I will not hear from many of you, even though a deadline might force others of you to get to it. Let's say I have a nice collection already, so can start with that, but would like the majority by July 1 so that I can outline the book.

Please, highly sensitive fathers, write too!

After reading these instructions, do scroll down to the list.

Put at the top of your contribution what the subject is (from the list below or whatever you decide) and email it to us if possible, preferably as an attachment.

Email to: parents@hsperson.com

It is important that at the same time you print and mail the attached release to

Paula Dinnell
2439 - 28th
San Francisco, 94116

If you mail your submission with the release (but I would prefer it by email), be sure to provide an email address if you have one in case we need to contact you about what you have written.

We will want to mask your identity, but the success of that is not guaranteed, so consider whether you want lots of people, including possibly people you know or your own family or children, someday reading what you write. Some of you will not care, so you can indicate your preference about that on the release. PLEASE MAIL THE RELEASE because it must be signed.

If you write about a problem you encountered as a parent because of being highly sensitive, it would of course be nice if you told us how you even partially solved it. Your fellow parents need you! But always, always this is about how your sensitivity affects your parenting; this is not about your child's sensitivity (another topic).

Here's the long list. It is just to stimulate your thinking--you do not have to write on all of them! Write about one topic at a time within the parentheses, not so much your general experience of pregnancy, infancy, etc. Although that could be okay too.

  • Decision to have a child (for example, how your sensitivity affected the process, making this as specific as you can; hesitations about having one or about having additional children, or an especially deep desire to have children that seems related to your sensitivity; any conflict with your partner about it; fertility problems; how you felt if you became pregnant without planning; and even abortions if that applies to you)
  • Pregnancy (how you think your sensitivity affected things like fears and expectations; relations with your spouse, including sex; preparations or failing to prepare; and moms: how you think it affected your reaction to morning sickness; good feelings during this time)
  • Childbirth (from the perspective of both mother and father; how you think your sensitivity affected the childbirth, in good or not so good ways; it is okay to be explicit about things that came up, such pain, difficulties with medical personnel understanding your sensitivity, and after care). Please discuss any post-partum depression you or your partner had and how you got through it and any especially good experiences.
  • Handling Infancy given your sensitivity (including sleep issues, conflict with spouse, nursing or not nursing, special good feelings)
  • Handling your toddler, one to two years, given your sensitivity (including issues listed above and below).
  • Handling two-year-old issues, in light of your sensitivity (including preschool, control issues and "no," tantrums, toilet training, child learning to speak, childcare issues, and of course anything especially positive).
  • Preschool and kindergarten, given your sensitivity (three, four, five; how you dealt with discipline, other parents, child care, etc.)
  • School years (again, given your sensitivity, how it helped or hindered you providing discipline, dealing with other parents, plus homework, bullying, "play dates," and whatever else you can think of that you think was affected by your being an HSP)
  • Marital and family issues (for example, how you as an HSP handled sibling rivalry; in-laws and parenting; marital conflicts because you were unable to meet the other parent's expectations about handling the stress of parenthood)
  • Coping with temperament differences (between you and your child; you and your spouse; you and other parents, you and your child's playmates, but again, this is not about raising a highly sensitive child)
  • Adolescence--dealing with this stage as a highly sensitive parent (conflict with your teenagers, worry about them, letting them go, choosing and sending them off to college)
  • Young adults--dealing with this stage as a highly sensitive parent (communication, when they still live at home, concern about their choice of careers, progress towards earning money, romantic partners, etc.)
  • Adult Child and/or Grandparenthood (how your sensitivity affected dealing with your child's wedding, relationships with son-in-law or daughter-in-law and their parents, energy for grandchildren, special experiences with them because of your sensitivity, etc.)

Here are some additional topics, organized by "DOES" (my recent idea of breaking down the trait into four aspects):

  • How your depth of processing everything due to your sensitivity has affected your parenting (for example, thinking about or learning more about each step of development than other parents seem to, being able to answer difficult questions well, raising especially moral or responsible children, etc.)
  • How your tendency to become easily overaroused/overstimulated has affected your parenting and/or how you have dealt with that (for example, the noise of little children, how this affected how many children you had, getting sleep in a noisy house, vacations, etc.)
  • How your strong positive and negative emotional reactivity has affected your parenting (for example, special pleasures; trouble with anger, worry, sadness at loss, etc.)
  • How your awareness of subtle sensory information has affected your parenting (for example, your ability to be attuned to your infant or toddler, sense of what's up with an older child, etc.)

 

May 2012 Articles:

A Letter from Elaine

Our Spiritual Life: HSPs, Meditation, and Enlightenment, Part I

Coping Corner: HSPs and Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Other Illnesses Perhaps Related to "Central Sensitization"

HSPs and Parenting: Dear Highly Sensitive Parents (and Grandparents): The Book for HS Parents Is Happening, So a Renewed Request for Help

Short Stuff:

 

More Comfort Zone Email Newsletters

May 2012 Articles:

A Letter from Elaine

Our Spiritual Life: HSPs, Meditation, and Enlightenment, Part I

Coping Corner: HSPs and Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Other Illnesses Perhaps Related to "Central Sensitization"

HSPs and Parenting: Dear Highly Sensitive Parents (and Grandparents): The Book for HS Parents Is Happening, So a Renewed Request for Help

Short Stuff:

Coping: More on HSPs and Pain

Summer Reading: A Memoir, A Mystery, and an Excellent Book on Meditation

 

 

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